Shannon
Born at the height of Buzz Aldrin's popularity, John Shannon Kimble always
knew he'd grow up to be something special. Taught only to speak in
Klingon (his parents were fierce Trekkies), his teenage years were awkward and
cloaked in tears. Girls initially turned on by his ladylike facial
features and muscular physique, grew tired of his refusal to communicate in
the English language. It wasn't until the summer of his 18th
year, when his mother, in an act of desperation, brought him home a copy of the
latest issue of "Jughead." Using this sole issue of
"Jughead" as his inspiration, his love of the English language
blossomed. Unfortunately, his crown-wearing and frequent snarky asides
once again hurt him with the ladies, who were again taken by his feminine good
looks, 24-inch pythons for arms (he claimed, though they were really only 22
inches) and his newfound love of the native language of the